Wednesday, March 5, 2014

spring breakers 2014


now you might be wondering what the hell i am talking about.  Well let me tell you, as i am writing this i am currently on my way to the beach.  yes the beach la plage la playa whatever you call it.  im going with my bestest friend in the whole world who i have known since primary school.  i am super excited because [according to my friend] there are many cute boys who we can oogle at but she will  be the only one to actually approach them while i stand off to the side being awkward and reading my book.

now maybe you are thinking, well why dont you just google how to flirt? well i did that already and i came here to tell you that why they may be fantastic ideas i am still to shy to do things like that.  besides why do i need to talk to the boys when my friend will do all the talking? oh yea because i so fucking tired of being the "ugly" friend.  like personally i dont think im ugly but still there are many features that should attract the species known as the male.

examples of said attractive features are things like: i eat alot and i might let you have some of my french fries, i can be really funny sometimes [but mostly its just me being a bitch and people think im joking]  and alos i wont cheat on you because ive worked so hard to get you in the first place.  you're welcome now all i have to do it wait for boys to show up in my front yard.

so as my friend and i draw nearer and nearer to our destination i bid you all farwell and happy travels on your spring holidays.

making milkshakes [for all the boys in my yard]

the anon

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

how to write a kick-ass essay

so i have procrastinated doing my science paper (which is due in two days) until now and so far the only thing i have is a thesis satement.  so if you are anything like me, waiting to do homework until the last minuete like me i've compiled a list of things that helped me during the 2 days i worked on my essay in hope that they might help souls like you.

how to write a kick-ass essay

tip number 1: have an amazing thesis statement, so basiclly a thesis statement is just mushing all of your main points into one sentence it should be a sentence that someone can argue with not a fact.

tip number 2: start with your first body paragraph not the introduction, i mean how are you supposed to write an introduction for a paper you have'nt written yet?  do the body paragraphs and the conclusion and then come back and write your introduction, much easier :)

tip number 3: now for having a great body paragraph so you can write whatever the hell you want (well anything pertaning to your subject) it's your paper just tell it like you mean it, don't hold back

ok so those are my tips for writing a great essay im sure there are tons more out there but i didn't want to write like all of them so i hope these helped you to write some sort of essay.  and when you are done with you essay wipe those tears off your face and make yourself a milkshake because you're done

bathing in a puddle of my own tears

the anon

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

this is why im dying

hello! today was absolutly horrid.  at 3:00 after the school bell rang symbolizing the end of school, childrens screams and laughter could be heard all throughout the hallway but a select few did not share that happiness of going home to watch tv and pig out.  fourty-five minuets after the bell rang all 4 of us were suited up unprepared for the tourture that laid before us.

after brief instructions we procceded to the back of the school.  for an hour and 30 minuets we endured one of the most horrific things that was ever created.  since the dawn of time our ancestors have done this, embracced it and loved it.  the 4 girls standing on the wet muddy grass today were no such people.  this ill-fated tourture device was none other than...

track and field

sooooo as you can tell track and field season has started yay! hahahaha no. i absolutly hate track and field i like swimming i like eating but i hate track and field.  i wasn't even planning on doing it this year until i made a deal with the devil (informally known to me as mom)

it was one fateful afternoon during a swimmeet i had already swum all my events and like the loser i was, i was talking to my mom, except it was about going to a sleepover with my friend.  now her first deal was "if you go to the cotilion then you can sleepover" now first of all no.  the cotilion is awful you have to ask a boy and then they teach you how to dance, first i suck at dancing and then who was i going to ask? its not like i have hoards of boys roaming around my house 24/7

but oh wait... my mom got another idea she told me to ask my brother's friends and i was like no mom, that would be supper awkward.  then she got another great idea "if you do track then you can sleepover" and like the stupid fool i am i agreed the only good part of this situation is my best friend has to suffer with me :-)  im an evil one.

so last monday was the first day of track and we did suicides oh joy :-)  but i now have proof that miracles really do happen the rest of the week was canceled due to snow and today we finally got back after the snow and we did more suicides which by the end of it made me want to kill myself.  and then we worked on longjump and i got sand everywhere i was like i was at a beach.

so the only good part about today is after all those calories i burned in track i got to go home and gorge myself on bread and stuff.

forever eating crutons


the anon

Thursday, February 13, 2014

single and not ready to mingle

well tomorrow marks yet another valentines day that i'm going to spend watching the notebook with my cat... well except that i've never seen the notebook and my cat can't sit still unless he's napping.  however for the first time in forever (see that frozen refrence right there?) i'm actually going to spend valentines day with my single friends yay! we are going to eat lots of food and watch the notebook.

now for the not ready to mingle part of this blog post, so as many people know i am an awkward person who cannot talk to the male species.  the only males i can talk to are family members and like 3 of my brother's friends who i've known since preschool.

so my cousin who is 16 gave me some tips on how to talk to boys maybe this can give you some tips also so without further ado,

tip 1: keep the conversation going, so my cousin told me to always keep the conversation going, don't let it drift off into a awkward silence but at the same time don't try and talk his ear off let him get in a couple sentences.

tip 2: so as most of us know lots of boys love to talk about themselves so get him to talk about himself.  ask him some questions about himself such as "what sports do you play" ask open ended questions instead of asking questions that end in a yes or no.

tip 3: so if you are seriously still reading this you should ask your self this question.  "why are you taking advice on boys from a socially awkward girl and her cousin?" well to be honest i have no idea if these even work because i have never used them...  so if you have trouble talking to boys i cannot help you sorry...

the anon

Friday, January 31, 2014

let it snow!

today it snowed, yes like legit snow whenever it snows here it either turns into ice or sloppy mush (which for some reason kids still love)  but for the past couple of days i have been off school to play in the snow!!! but while staring out the window in my maths class it soon dawned on me what would come in the next couple of days...

white girls taking pictures of themselves on their front lawns

so as I logged onto instagram after school my feed was flooded with girls in uggs in their yards, but i must say that i was one of those people...

so here is a blow by blow scheduale of my snow days

so during my 1st snow day i built a snowman and went sledding with my friends, yes i do have friends thank you very much.  it was all fun and games until one of my neighbors stole my saucer and would not give it back, now that little fucker was going to give me back my saucer so i did what the normal socialy-awkward teenager would do, go and force their brother to do it.  in the end i got my saucer back and got my brother to pull me up the hill so i wouldn't have to walk.  Brother=Slave.

on my second snow day my best friend, and i walked to her house, which was a good mile away, so i guess that was my exercise for the day, since swim team was canceled due to unsafe road conditions.  we played with her dog and her sister who is apparently "the shit" at her school.  so we spent part of our time as therapists helping her with her friend problems.  so snow day number two was pretty great and I finally got my friend to watch frozen for the first time (and my 11th time)

on the third day (friday)  i was forced to go to a new gym my mother joined to get my picture taken,  and left my brother and i there to work out for 4 hours yay.  and now as i am writing this i am sitting in my freezing cold room covered in a million blankets trying to finish up this post before i go to bed.  i still have saturday and sunday to play in the snow but i know that i will not be leaving my house until i finish at least 1 season of supernatural.

so now i have 3 glorious days off of school which i am supper happy about as i was the third and last person in my house to get notice of a school cancelation for tomorrow, (well today now i guess) i ran yelling around my house in excitement while my mood was dampened by my father telling me about all the tests and homework i would have to make up on Monday, thanks dad.

so anyway i just thought i would share this, its not really a rant but whatever

playing in the snow,


the anon

Sunday, January 19, 2014

the wonderful flaws of the human race

so as many people know i am an anti social person, and i bet you, are also socially awkward in public as me.  so i made this blog to help people communicate to other humans, however becausei have trouble doing that myself, today's blogpost is going to list all the flaws of our species, because complaining is what I do best (or so my mother says)

so number one on this list is people who can eat however much food they want and not gain weight.  i don't understand why people like that even exist, oh yea its to rub it in my face.  even if i were to not eat anything for a whole day i would gain wait.  but the reality of this statement is that after four hours of that diet shit i'm just like screw this and i clear out the fridge.

next on this long list is people who walk super slow *rips out hair violently*  i literally cannot deal with these people.  and being the awkward person i am i just slow walk behind them, while a normal person would just tell them to go faster or i don't know walk around them?  but not me, like can you not see me walking, jesus, go faster peasant

the third thing on this list is those crazy athletic people who can like run 20 miles without stopping, me on the other hand gets winded from running up stairs.  along with this is people who feel less stressed out after running, like no thats fucked up if i even think about running i get stressed out.  if i was a coral i would be dead because when coral gets stressed they die *fun fact of the day*

last but not least is the beautiful teenagers that get drunk and "shit-faced" every weekend.  high-five to all the socially awkward people who stay home, avoid contact with the human race and run into poles. so to all you people out there, stay weird and try not to pretend to text in public to avoid talking to people. (you know who you are)


the anon